I don’t inspire romance. Sexual innuendo? Midnight trysts? Prolonged infatuation? Yes. I cultivate those in spades. (ha!) But I’m not the type of girl a guy proposes to or whisks off her feet. I’m strong and extremely outwardly stable and I scare the ever-loving crap out of most people around me because I use practicality, logic, and reasoning to make my decisions, usually minimizing the role of my emotions or irrational wants/desires when a path or choice has to be made. I am determined and strong, and live with very few regrets, having solid rational reasons for most of my actions or future plans. Because of this, if I’m asked to choose between the practical or the frivolous, I will choose outwardly and openly the practical things, while inside I wait for someone to know I would love the frivolous, but would not voice it because it wasn’t rational, and is not something I feel I could ever ask for myself.
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Case in point… my first love. He was so enamored with me, and I loved him with everything I had inside me. My birthday came and he was all nerves, but decided one evening as we were sitting on the red plaid couch with yellow bugles embroidered on it to ask me what he should get me.
He said, “I have two gift ideas for you, and I wanted to ask you which I should get you… I know your watch just died, so I’d love to get you a new watch and have it engraved. The other is, well, less practical…but is also jewelry…”
He let it trail off and his eyes screamed “RING, I WANT TO GET YOU A RING! CLAIM YOU AS MINE.” …but he made the mistake of asking me first, instead of getting me something on his own and placing all of his feelings into a box for me to delight in…
So I said “Since you’ve asked, I’d have to choose the watch.”
He laughed and said, “I thought you’d choose that! You’re always so practical… I should have known.”
The watch was lovely. I still have it even though the battery and band are dead. He didn’t end up getting it engraved, but I didn’t mind.
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This is one example in a long line of many. My own Jer, who knows me very well, freaks out each time my birthday or a major holiday rolls around and we go through a similar scenario, only he’ll stammer a bit about how he was going to get me something, but what could he get me that I didn’t already have anyway…? So… if I want him to get me something I should just tell him and he’ll get it, but not on THE day, maybe later in the week when we have more time…
…And he keeps going and going on and on about it. All the while, I just cringe inwardly and hope to God he shuts up soon because I don’t want to talk about anyone getting me anything or tell anyone what I want to get–that defeats the idea of a gift. Either you want to get me something or you don’t, but don’t hem and haw about it and drag me into the decision at all. I’ll just be practical and say “you don’t have to get me anything” or “get me [some item I need like towels]…”
And the kicker of it all? I mean exactly that; I really do. If the dates came and went and there wasn’t an awkward gift discussion, I wouldn’t think twice about it. I’d choose a restaurant for dinner, laugh with The Boy when he mangled the pronunciation of “Feliz Cumpleanos” and life would be fine… at least for a while.
More and more, I’m looking for romance…wanting the impractical, wanting to feel a bit doted on… It’s completely irrational, and entirely female–I know! But how to explain this change to someone who’s come to rely on and expect my complete practicality? That’s not to say I’m 100% rational about everything. If you’ve read any of this blog, you’ll recognize that… but where’s the unexpected? When do I get surprised? What does any of this mean?
The wine is wearing off. Time to chill another bottle.
Filed under: Stuff, The Opposite of Genius
