Baldur’s Gate II Made Us Look Like Chumps…TWICE–wait, maybe THREE times!

“Fool me once, shame on you… Fool me twice, shame on me.”

In November of 2002, Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance was released for the Gamecube.  Jer and I were living together in geeky video game-playing splendor, and we picked up a copy of it to see if I liked the RPG style & co-op mode it offered.

I was hooked.

We played that thing on the hardest level and worked through it as a team, albeit a heavily lopsided one.  I played as Kromlech, Dwarven Fighter, and he played as Vahn, Human Arcane Archer.  This worked out well as Jer was not the strongest of players when it came to fighting games.  It was best for him to lurk around the edges of the battle, firing arrows and casting spells while I meleed my way through the bad guys.  The story was engaging, the game was challenging, fun and long.

I was sad when it ended, but THRILLED that it was obviously left open for a direct sequel.

When the release date of Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance II (Electric Bugalloo) was announced, I hopped on the pre-order bandwagon and could not wait to play it.

I was so impatient to have another great co-op RPG game, in fact, that I dropped $60 on the Gamecube version of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King because it offered the same kind of action, supposedly.  

Boy, did that game suck. (Side rant: someone STILL owes me an explanation of why Samwise Gamgee can throw a knife as far as Legolas can shoot an arrow.  What physics genius thought that would be OK?)  We played through the whole game in hours (after a few breaks because of coding flaws in the co-op system that would get one of us stuck behind an invisible wall while the other ran around getting killed because they couldn’t move very far from the trapped teammate).  It was the last time I bought a game on the advice of one of the store clerks (like a chump) without researching the title myself first.

I was left unsatisfied.

Then the day came–Release Date for Dark Alliance II.  I would have satisfaction!

We went to our usual Gamestop, and I ran in to grab our new adventure-in-a-box.  I tossed the bag to Jer, and started to drive away (I was overly anxious to get my RPG on) when Jer said, “Wait!!  You have to go back!! This copy is for the xbox!!”

At the time, we only owned a Dreamcast, original Nintendo, and a Gamecube.

I drove back and parked, ran back into the store where the little jerk behind the counter explained to me in very patronizing tones that the second installment was not being released for the Gamecube, but only for the xbox & PS 2.

I was livid and disappointed, which quickly turned into sullen and pouty for the drive home.  I blamed the makers of the game for cutting out development for the Gamecube.  I blamed Microsoft because they’re usually to blame for these kinds of things, and I blamed the little jerk who had taken my pre-order months before because I had TOLD him then that the only modern system I had was the Gamecube and he still took my $5 (and my hopes and dreams!).

I also blamed myself for not researching it better and blindly pre-ordering (like a chump).

Eventually (read: when I discovered the video game crack that is Halo), we got an xbox system.  After a while, when I could hear or read the words “Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance II” without screaming about little jerks and the money wasted on that P.O.S. Return of the King, we bought a copy of Dark Alliance II.

After six more months or so, I was forgiving enough to actually play it, and we proceeded to waltz through several boring levels without any real enjoyment.  We upped the difficulty, and neither of us selected a warrior class, choosing more limited character types and hoping for a challenge. 

No dice.

…Still, I wanted to know how it ended, so we pushed ahead every now and then, but could never REALLY get into it–not like the first one.

Apparently, sometime in early February of 2008, we put the game back in made it through several more levels.  We beat two “boss” types, one at the base of the tower, one within the tower and some other realm, and then stopped because it was 11:54pm and we probably had to be to work or something.

I know all these pieces, because I can see the save file and can start from that point in the game.

So, this past weekend Jer was in town and we were both tired and sorta mind-numb, and we decided to put the game back in.  We took about 30 minutes going over all the games we had to choose from before deciding on Dark Alliance II, and we figured the easy battles and low-key experience of the game were right up our alley, given our reduced intellectual capacity.  We had to get all prepped though, setting up the xbox 360, changing the display settings so the older plain xbox game would look its best, etc.  It was a few hoops worth before we were finally settled in and ready to play.

We chose the last save point, and found ourselves standing next to the slumped and defeated body of the boss we had beat last time we played. Neither of us could remember what to do next, and there was no obvious door to the area we were in.  Jer wandered around the edges of the screen and I, in typical Grfxho fashion, started punching the few things that were in the room with us. 

Two seconds/punches later, and I successfully shattered the crystal in the center of the room.  The game went to a cut scene and then the credits rolled.

It was over.  No more game to play.

We sat stunned for a bit, blinking at the list of names going by.   Then Jer turned to me and said “Well, that was fun.  Glad we dusted that one off!”  We literally played for about 4 seconds.  (Like chumps) We had quit playing RIGHT before we beat the game all those months ago.

…I hear they are making a third one…